introduced by Roy

Roy Taylor

// rhythm guitar


Hi, I’m Roy and am the rhythm guitarist for the band. I was given this job as I was the only one who could spell ‘rhythm'. This is why rhythm guitarists tend to be a bit more intelligent than those who spell simple words like ‘bass’, ‘drums,’ ‘lead’ etc. It’s also why I had to say no to having a Xylophone player.

John Baynton

// drums


John, our drummer, is not only able to reproduce some iconic drum breaks, but keeps a solid beat and is great at timing. In fact, it’s as good as a metronome. I saw a metro gnome once, in Paris, on the tube, but someone took him home to put in their garden, sorry, jardin.


Jon Fairclough

// bass


Jon our bass guitarist goes wandering into the audience when the spirit moves him, usually whisky. He has been known to dance in the audience and play his bass at the same time. He once throttled several wedding guests with his guitar lead whilst threading his way across the dance floor. He now uses wireless...

Matt Jared

// lead guitar


Matt is our lead guitarist and got the job because he has more pedals than me and his fingers move faster, I am practicing hard so that one day we can have two lead guitarists. I have not told Matt about this yet...


// singer


Becks is our singer and she is just fabulous, with a great voice and she also looks better than the rest of us. It must be the make up, I guess. She has this ability to sing almost any song in the recorded key, although we haven’t tried her with Johnny Cash or Scissor Sister songs to test this to destruction.